The Greatest Inspirations of All

So after posting yesterday, I got to thinking about the inspirations in my life...they really do come in all shapes and sizes...but there are two that truly stand out to me--my children, Soraya and Najib. Each has helped me grow in ways I never thought possible, and in them I find more hope than anywhere else in my life.

Soraya is the light of my world..she can, like no other being on this earth, move me to laughter and tears within a matter of seconds...when I'm down, all I need is a glimpse at her beautiful eyes and dynamic smile and I quickly forget my ills. A hug from her brings me instant peace, and her laughter is contagious. Her wonderful spirit and love of life remind me to strive for the same in my own life...to focus on happiness and joy! She is simply spectacular, and I'm honored that I will be a witness to her life! It will be nothing less than amazing!

And then there is Najib. For many people, having a special needs child imposes great amounts of stress, heartache and struggles. I could not be farther from that reality...Najib is special alright, but he is special for all he offers to me simply by existing and living as he does...with the purest heart and most gentle spirit that I have ever encountered...

When he entered my life I began down a journey of discovery....discovery of the world around me...discovery of the strength of the human spirit...discovery of what unconditional love and support is all about....discovery of acceptance...let me say that again...discovery of acceptance...of knowing and loving all people for who they are...for where they're at...for where they want to be....and that discovery began with me...

Many parents of special needs children at some point participate in the pity-ridden, "why me" game....and unfortunately some never find their answer...they may blame others or themselves and this "pain" blinds them from all the gifts and benefits that having such a delicate creature in their lives can offer. I too played this game. For the first year of Najib's life I searched for reasons why, for the causes of his ills, for my possible failures, but I kept coming up empty handed. And all that time, with my energy focused on my "plight" I was not fully capable of appreciating Najib for what he did and does offer me. Then the day came when I simply held my beautiful son in my arms, and I saw him for all he is and all he can be. I saw hope and experienced inspiration like never before!

I know exactly WHY Najib came into my life...and I am SOOOOOO grateful for his arrival. Najib came to me to teach me...to help me grow. On a daily basis he reminds me to have a pure heart, to be grateful for all I possess--both material and spiritual riches, to be accepting of others, to never allow my limitations to stop my life from moving forward--to NEVER stop growing.

So, yes, as I said yesterday, inspirations abound, but all pale in comparison to those provided to me by Soraya and Najib...how lucky I am!

When life around you stops

Well, I got home about six hours ago, and I'm still numb. Thursday I went to get my son out of bed so that I could administer his medicine before I went to work, and I found him in the midst of a seizure! It had been 10 months since his last one, yet every time he has one it is unexpected and severe! Who knows when it started, but during the two hours that followed, my defenseless child endured nearly non-stop seizure activity. He received unimaginable amounts of medicine, a CAT scan, blood work, urine tests, a transfer to a different hospital (per my request), and an overnight stay as he was too drugged up to truly assess and release.
I was and am very ANGRY....frustrated that this reality exists for my family...my son suffers, my husband is in constant anguish, my daughter tormented by a situation that requires her constant patience and understanding at the mere age of 4! I have come to terms with having a special needs child...with his constant need for medications, natural healing, physical and occupational therapy...I have come to accept him for all he is, and I have hope in his possibilities...yet these episodes sink me every time....I try to fight it...I try to be strong...but I need to release my emotion!
Thank God for this blog! Right now, it is my very best outlet...a place where I can emote without affecting others instantly! I feel at times like I'm drowning...I so wanted to leave the hospital and come home, but now that I'm here, I just want to run away! I can't come home and download or even stop functioning for a day or two....I need and want to be here for my daughter...my husband...my son...but especially for myself...yet all that seems overwhelming when I am so emotionally, physically and psychologically exhausted!
When I use only my mind to analyze this situation I know that all I need is some rest and that tomorrow will be a better day, but right now, it's not my mind that is driving me! My heart aches....I know my son is ok and will be fine....I know that he has a bright future ahead of him...but the day-to-day right now is all a bit much! What I would give to wake up tomorrow with both of my children RUNNING around the house...SINGING together or even just engaged in a cute conversation....all far off dreams, that I know will come true, but right now I don't feel like waiting! I want the miracle NOW!
Alright...I needed that....I needed to say it, get it out of my system, so that I can refocus my energy to positive feelings and thoughts...hopefully that will come tomorrow after some much needed rest! Amazing that for two days the entire world stopped for me...no election euphoria...no economic crisis...no work or personal drama...just my son...demonstrating to me his strength and unwavering spirit...his ability to overcome all the obstacles that are in his path...! They say that children often speak the truth...well my son tells me with his eyes, his crooked smile and his laughter (that I can hear as I write this)....all will be OK! Tomorrow is a new day...