When life around you stops

Well, I got home about six hours ago, and I'm still numb. Thursday I went to get my son out of bed so that I could administer his medicine before I went to work, and I found him in the midst of a seizure! It had been 10 months since his last one, yet every time he has one it is unexpected and severe! Who knows when it started, but during the two hours that followed, my defenseless child endured nearly non-stop seizure activity. He received unimaginable amounts of medicine, a CAT scan, blood work, urine tests, a transfer to a different hospital (per my request), and an overnight stay as he was too drugged up to truly assess and release.
I was and am very ANGRY....frustrated that this reality exists for my family...my son suffers, my husband is in constant anguish, my daughter tormented by a situation that requires her constant patience and understanding at the mere age of 4! I have come to terms with having a special needs child...with his constant need for medications, natural healing, physical and occupational therapy...I have come to accept him for all he is, and I have hope in his possibilities...yet these episodes sink me every time....I try to fight it...I try to be strong...but I need to release my emotion!
Thank God for this blog! Right now, it is my very best outlet...a place where I can emote without affecting others instantly! I feel at times like I'm drowning...I so wanted to leave the hospital and come home, but now that I'm here, I just want to run away! I can't come home and download or even stop functioning for a day or two....I need and want to be here for my daughter...my husband...my son...but especially for myself...yet all that seems overwhelming when I am so emotionally, physically and psychologically exhausted!
When I use only my mind to analyze this situation I know that all I need is some rest and that tomorrow will be a better day, but right now, it's not my mind that is driving me! My heart aches....I know my son is ok and will be fine....I know that he has a bright future ahead of him...but the day-to-day right now is all a bit much! What I would give to wake up tomorrow with both of my children RUNNING around the house...SINGING together or even just engaged in a cute conversation....all far off dreams, that I know will come true, but right now I don't feel like waiting! I want the miracle NOW!
Alright...I needed that....I needed to say it, get it out of my system, so that I can refocus my energy to positive feelings and thoughts...hopefully that will come tomorrow after some much needed rest! Amazing that for two days the entire world stopped for me...no election euphoria...no economic crisis...no work or personal drama...just my son...demonstrating to me his strength and unwavering spirit...his ability to overcome all the obstacles that are in his path...! They say that children often speak the truth...well my son tells me with his eyes, his crooked smile and his laughter (that I can hear as I write this)....all will be OK! Tomorrow is a new day...