Returning to normalcy...whatever that means!

Well, the weekend is over; my son is doing well, and my life has returned to its normal state of crazy! I wanted it this way...the quicker I rebound, the better it is for my family and me! I am able to put away---file nice and neatly as a mere blip on the map of life-- all the drama and stress that surrounds my son's situation. Sounds great, right?! Well, I'm having second thoughts....don't know if this way of coping is simply a form of escapism...the only way I have to run from that fear filled reality....too afraid to really delve into an analysis of my mental state....Oh well! It is what it is and that's why I'm me.....some perceive it as strong, resilient, admirable...frankly, it is the only way I know to be.....when faced with crisis, I get to work...I keep busy...I keep social and active....I don't let my fears take over....but this time I've been taken over by a feeling that I didn't easily recognize as it doesn't often enter my life: ANGER! Yes, as I said before, I am angry about this reality! As my dear friend so eloquently pointed out, I am mourning myself....my former identity...my independence! I am angry that I will probably NEVER regain any of that former self, and my only hope for true happiness is coming to terms with this reality as I redefine myself.....
So the process must begin....I keep asking myself why the universe brought my special needs son into my life....was it to teach me more patience?...FOR SURE! Was it to teach me to surrender control? ...DEFINITELY....But I believe there's more....I am a very passionate, opinionated, intelligent woman....is my son's situation a tool for me to use to help redirect my focus...to give me a platform to use my voice, knowledge and experience...? I will examine these possibilities...I will draw from his strength and love to help clarify the situation....I will take a deep breath and think...not act right away, but think, feel, emote, express...allowing the process to flow through me...! I'm hopeful this will bring about more personal growth and result in a new, improved Naomi....STAY TUNED!